Things to do while waiting

This got emailed to me. Google could only find it on one other blog, and I suspect they got it as well.

Might as well give it a home. Why can’t stores put nice chairs in various places for husbands to sit on?

January 12, 2006

Re: Mr. Bill McCubbin Multiple Complaints

Dear Mrs. McCubbin,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill McCubbin has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behaviour and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our assistants are attending counselling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. McCubbin have been compiled and are listed below.

15 Things Mr. Bill McCubbin has done while his spouse is shopping:

  1. June 15 2005 : Took 14 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking. Some religious factions can be extremely upset by this.

  2. July 2 2005: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7 2005: Made a trail of Apple juice on the floor through ailse’s 2 and 3 leading to the Toilets.

  4. July 19 2005: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, ‘Code 11’ in ailse 4….. and watched what happened. (This is a code for a terrorist attack the assistant is still off work with stress)

  5. August 4 2005: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a family bag of peanut M&M’s in the lay away service till Xmas.

  6. September 14 2005: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

  7. September 15 2005: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows and sleeping bags from the bedding department.

  8. September 23 2005: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

  9. October 4 2005: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose then proceeded to eat same. ( We had to replace

  10. November 10 2005: While handling guns in the newly opened hunting department, he looked dishevelled and asked the assistant if she knows where the antidepressants are kept

  11. December 3 2005: Darted around the store suspiciously whilst loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

  12. December 6 2005: In the auto department, practiced his “Madonna lookalike’ bit using different size funnels.

  13. December 18 2005: Hid in a XXXL clothing rack and when overweight customers came anywhere near, he yelled “PICK ME FATTY !” “PICK ME!”

  14. December 21 2005: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position on the floor and screams “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!” (And; last, but not least!)

  15. December 23 2005: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, “Hey anybody out there, There’s no toilet paper in here! Binary file ./children/2006-09-05-things_to_do_while_waiting.mkd matches